ERECTILE PILGRIMAGE

Photo by Olena Sergienko on Unsplash

The covid scourge is doing more harm than good amongst the minority of Nigerian men in the United States. I suspect the numbers might be higher. I know this because I have been hearing a lot of teeth-gnashing and heart-felt outpouring in muted African circles. The harm my African brothers have described to me looked nothing like the covid. This one, they say, affects the inner workings of the soul. They tell me that the pull from the motherland was so strong that it would be the saving grace from this pain in this faraway land. Pain and torture that none of them aptly nor perfectly captures, saving for a semblance of a choke and helplessness of the situation as would a true corona case.

In those muted circles, men of African descent huddle in concentric circles, passionately describing in fervent manners, a corona-like pain that would not succumb to the efficacy of “Chloroquine, Decadron, Remdesivir, Convalescent plasma or any known succor that is available in America. They all agree that the cure was a return to the motherland. They were all near tears and frustrated about this pain, they even tell me that a greater calamity awaited them if the borders remained closed. One had told me in clear terms, a heightened marital tension that has reached a fervent pitch, laden with anxiousness that was now threatening the loose fabrics of his marriage. “This corona is terrible”, “My wife insults me every day”, calling me names. “Nowhere to let off this tension”, he had said as he resigned in helplessness. He even agreed that he would sign a petition if that would help ease the lockdown. The other stood on the side, with a cigarette burning slowly in between his fingers as he held it loosely, lamenting the effects of this lock-down on his mental state. “If this thing continues” There is a big problem o”, “My wife is no happier”,” My happiness is not assured”. A bold but uncanny sadness written all over his face. “I need to travel to Nigeria” he had quipped.

They had both disclosed that the cure for their predicament was in the motherland -Nigeria. My favorite security guard at my workplace was a brother. He worked sixty-hour week shifts and does not miss any chance in reminding me that “there was no enjoyment living abroad”. His face, was always a shade brighter as he described all the activities that he would be indulging in as he arrived in Nigeria. “Oga, once I land, straight on top of my baby”…. with a hand gesture, making sure I had understood the peg diving into a hole act. Walahi, let the airports open o, I feel like a nineteen-year-old any time I step into Nigeria. “I feel brand new”. He had a big smile on his face at this point, “ I tell you doc, I feel like a steady rocking tiger in that country”

Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash

So why Nigeria, I had asked, looking him straight into the eyes. Doc, I do not know o”, I just know that I am a new person there”, “I do not even have any needs for medications doc”…I really do not know what it was in this country”, he finished off with a sigh of resignation. My “smallie” in Nigeria, as he tapped on the picture roll on his phone, revealing a young round-faced girl with light make up, wearing a strapless bra top with a bit of an outline of the nipples in glaring awe, with a dash of acne and pimples rightly putting her age to about twenty-one. This one, na him I dey use change blood…. he had said with some robust vigor, laden with a renewed exuberance. But this kind of girl lives here!!! I had said, wondering out loud what the big deal was all about.

See this one, he had pulled up yet another picture of a pretty light-skinned damsel in some kinda shorts, “Me and this one, we do three to four times in a day”, “once she touches me, it’s all over”

“Doc, …. I tell you, there is something in that land.

I had just taken stock. I had unofficially, without count, been listening to the psychological component of erectile dysfunction as experienced by men of increasing age of African descent living in America. This was a small sample size regardless and in no way a mirror of factual realities, but it was an interesting angle to it. I was now affirming to some trend of theirs, a devised means of embarking on an erectile pilgrimage to the motherland for a cure. The story was the same everywhere. They had all been telling me the same thing. They had noticed a great decline in their sexual habits in America but hitherto a boosted one once their foot was set on there.

I was now on a mission to unravel this weird phenomenon.

I hear that the “ego” remained intact as our men landed in the motherland, buying sustenance with a ready supply of foreign currency, and with fluctuations in exchange rates, submissiveness and transient loyalty were secured of these “do with me whatever you want” girls. A power and ego currency lacking in supply in America, and one in which many had lost in that faraway land. On the same pilgrimage, I hear, that the pressures of recurrent bills and other tit-bits of adulthood were missing. I hear these worries disappear with a majority of the pilgrims assuming a lifestyle fit for kings, waking up to no alarms or semblance of a query from anyone, no family squabbles, no marital rigmaroles, and definitely no children’s brouhaha. A life of bliss.

A pseudo-bachelor-hood was conferred on these men as they crossed the passport controls into Nigeria, a phantom divorce paper was approved in their minds as the plane touched down, a kingdom was once again been reclaimed by an exiled one who had been stripped off all the trappings that come with this stool in that faraway land. It was once more “a monkey business”, one that conformed with the rules of the jungle, far away from prying eyes of cameras, private investigators, dotting and suspicious partner, hide and seek, lies, false loyalty, and happiness. A world, miles away from legal and routine sub-servitude. A world away from home but home regardless. It was once more business, as usual, one that embraced a loose moral fabric that did not limit adultery nor promiscuity. One that heightened all the animal instincts of man — -An erectile pilgrimage on full blast.

Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash

I had uncovered “Stress” as a common denominator. I hear it loudly in the undertones. Our common knack for immeasurable success in this faraway land and pursuit for several means had eroded into the lives of so many men.

They can’t run forever, this little component can be overcome with openness and communication. Erectile dysfunction can cause strain on a couple. Many times, men will avoid sexual situations due to the emotional pain associated with erectile dysfunction, causing their partner to feel rejected or inadequate. It is important to communicate openly with your partner. Some couples consider seeking treatment for erectile dysfunction together, while other men prefer to seek treatment without their partner’s knowledge. A lack of communication is the primary barrier to seeking treatment and can prolong the suffering.

Feeling embarrassed about sexual health problems may prevent many men from seeking the medical attention they need, which can delay the diagnosis and treatment of more serious underlying conditions. Erectile Dysfunction itself is often related to an underlying problem, such as heart disease, diabetes, liver disease, or other medical conditions. The earlier we looked into this, the better. The more money you save on those vacations hooha.

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